Nikki Glaser’s best joke, as host of the celebrity-driven 2025 Golden Globes, was half a joke. Technically, I’d estimate it was closer to an eighth of a joke, given that “Common” is about four minutes long and Glaser’s “Conclave” and “Depraved” mashup. parody It lasted 30 seconds. “You will be… dad-ular,” Glaser sang, adorned in a bubblegum pink dress, holding a gold cane and crowned with a tall, white papal miter, before the music cut out for a fake emergency message from the producers, who simply had to intervene because “This whole thing sucks.” When she acceded to their demands and asked to skip to the next number, “Insane Within the Pen-gwain,” these imaginary, cowardly producers told her to skip that one too.
Frankly, I like the part of the joke that implies that a song parody of two nominees in the middle of the awards show is cheesy, forced, and done to death. But anyway I like the part of the joke that the damn thing made better. After all, “Conclave” is a movie about the danger of certainty, especially when held by individuals seeking power through common opinion, and “Depraved” literally provides the song titled “Common,” so why? Why not give the audience a verse? Or two with original lyrics that draw comical but appropriate attention to the unexpected similarities of the two nominated films? You can still get to the joke about how silly it is to sing a “bad” parody song in front of Elton John, but it would have been even funnier if, at the time, it had been clearly established that the song was actually pretty good. And who knows, maybe some people at home would have sought out “Conclave” (now streaming on Peacock) simply for its newfound proximity to the immensely successful “Depraved.”
Overall, Glaser did a good job as host and the Golden Globes did a good job as well. (Both were a big step forward from last year’s disaster.) As Seth Rogen and Catherine O’Hara stressed, in a host segment that did the damn thing and then some, this isn’t the Oscars. There are countless higher honors than earning statues of beings adorned with orbs. much lower quality than they seem, and the 2025 broadcast leaned toward its “party of the year” designation, not by being louder, but by being designed as a mid-tech celebrity surveillance system, where on-screen arrows acted as a “Find my (Celebrity) Good friend” and the unsuspecting luminaries in attendance crowded into the frame as often as possible, which was all the better for viewers to watch, study and memes.
Good for them or, more accurately, good for CBS, which hopes the Globes will continue to draw a decent audience even when they air against the all-powerful NFL. It’s a safe bet that viewers who still watch awards shows live at home do so to see all the famous faces, and the Globes are better positioned than other awards shows to parade those faces in front of us with fewer interruptions for part of boring people. directors, editors and writers (poor).
But among all the gawking stars, the Globes strayed too far from their official purpose: honoring movies (and television). The opening monologue was dictated by who was in the audience, not who was there. (“Tonight we celebrate the best of cinema and reserve space for television”, no truer and vaguer words have been spoken, and so on., and so on.). he was obsessed with people during projects, removing clips of every nominated performance in favor of fun facts in the chyrons and spoken by the in-house announcer. (“In addition to acting, Vin Diesel is a fan of Dungeons and Dragons.”) The scripted introductions featured some painfully superficial details: Gal Gadot said, “On a night that featured some amazing moments… let’s continue with the amazing”?! – and the crappy graphics package, clunky camera angles, and conventional stage backdrop didn’t elevate the art as much as they elevated each speaker high enough to be seen clearly.
Even the honorary The awards, given to Ted Danson (the Carol Burnett Award) and Viola Davis (the Cecil B. DeMille Award), were presented on Saturdayliterally taking honor out of the air. (Who wants to listen to two beloved actors who are also brilliant public speakers anyway?)
Listen, I understand. The Golden Globes are not that prestigious. (It’s certainly not prestigious enough to justify Zoe Saldaña’s sob-filled acceptance speech. Better off were Oscar hopefuls Kieran Culkin, who hit exactly the right vibe: “a couple quick thank yous and then I’ll be gone fuck it,” and Demi Moore, who gave the best version of a preparatory speech for “don’t you want to see me at the Oscars?”). It is a precursor awards ceremony in a season full of them, and their main claims. Fame is how early the winners are announced, how long it’s been in business, and how many drinks can be handed out at the Beverly Hills ballroom.
But there’s a reason the hosts’ introduction by Moore and Margaret Qualley fell flat, and it’s not because they didn’t know where to look. It’s because a joke that depends entirely on knowing what “The Substance” is about made no sense during a night dictated more by pop culture than film culture (let alone television culture). If the Globes persisted despite all the scandals because they still draw significant ratings and can therefore better acquaint audiences with the year’s best movies and TV shows, then at the end of the night, wouldn’t they? Should we know a little more about the Globes? Movies and TV shows they honored? At the very least, shouldn’t I have seen a scene from “The Brutalist”? Did you hear a line of dialogue from “Hacks”? Or do you know what “Emilia Pérez” is about?
Maybe not. Maybe knowing that a Netflix movie won a handful of Golden Globes will be enough to make people grab their phones, add it to their queue, and then go back to watching “The Squid Game.” Maybe just having the opening bars of “Common” stuck in my head for another week is celebration enough for “Depraved,” winner of the inaugural Golden Globes award for cinematic and box office achievement. But I can’t help but think that if streaming put a little more emphasis on the movies (and TV!) that Hollywood loves, maybe that love would spread beyond Hollywood.
Potato hopefuls also deserve to be popular.
Grade: B-
The 82nd Annual Golden Globe Awards took place on Sunday, January 6 at the Beverly Hilton Lodge in Los Angeles, CA. They aired on CBS and through Paramount+. Dick Clark Productions, owner and producer of the Golden Globes, is a Penske Media company. PMC is also the parent company of IndieWire.
